I'm just coming off of a week long high from our all of our (what feels like 875,125) Hanukkah celebrations. I'm officially exhausted and ready for some downtime! Around this time of the year I always find myself having the exact same thoughts.
What do I want to teach my kids about the holidays?
Should I put a lot of emphasis on the religious stuff? (even though we aren't religious people)
The traditional stuff?
The cultural stuff?
ahhh!!!! What the heck is best for my child???
What I've observed so far is that a mix of the above variables have made it's way into our home over the holidays, and it's worked for us.
Now, aside from all the uncertainty around the religious, traditional, and cultural stuff that I should be introducing my children to, the one thought in my head that has been MOST consistent year to year is this idea around teaching gratitude. Aside from modelling this day to day, the holidays are a great opportunity to teach our children about gratitude. No, what makes this a little tricky is the idea around gifting & abundance.
How many toys does your child have that they NEVER EVER play with?
How much clutter does the abundance of toys in your house occupy?
Does your child play with a new toy for a few days and then completely forget about it?
When you try to get rid of toys does your child all of a sudden act like it's their most favourite toy EVER?
What the heck are we teaching our children by giving them an abundance of gifts all at once? or even grand gifts that are just over the top necessary. Does it become more about us than them?
Isn't your child more into the box or wrapping than the actual toy??
Now, Hannukah is 8 nights long and there are some families that choose to give their child a gift every. single. night. I personally think the idea is really cool but... in comes your child who is now expecting a gift every single night and starts to melt when the gift...
a. doesn't come fast enough
b. isn't as stimulating as the one from the previous night or
c. isn't what they expected it would be
At what point does the novelty run out? How can we teach the concept of appreciation & gratitude when there's such an abundance, and a set expectation. Truth is...It becomes really really hard. It actually backfires.
If your child has very excited and generous grandparents or family members & friends that all want to shower them with gifts for the holidays there's a few things you can do to avoid the abundance or grand gestures and really focus on what matters; appreciation & gratitude for what you have and what you get. In my books- it's always going to be quality over quantity!
1. Experiences over material items- if anyone of the gift givers are asking you for input, then recommend gifting an experience vs. a toy. This is a great way for children to be out in the world learning all types of skills and building memories. This year I bought my cousins' kids gift certificates to the movies. In the past I've also done tickets to the aquarium, zoo, science centre, & Canada's Wonderland. Now, this can be a win-win if the person gifting the experience wants to enjoy the experience with your child- they take your child out & you get a bit of a break! #momwin
2. Stash & Store - This is what my dining room table looked like after ONLY the first night of Hanukkah- 98% of this has now been stashed and stored away. This is my go-to around the holidays and birthdays. When my children get an abundance of stuff all at once, I literally hand them 1-2 new items and stash the remaining items away in storage. I now have a bank of new toys and activities that I can either pull out on a rainy day or use as a reward for exceptional behaviour. The point is, they come out very slowly over time.
3. Donate- If you know your child is receiving an abundance of toys and there's no way to avoid it, then build in a pay-it-forward system. Find local charities that take toy donations over the holidays. Have your child physically go with you and donate a toy to someone in need. To make this meaningful, discuss with them the importance about donating toys. You can go one step further and have them donate something they actually like or care about. Giving up something you care about is a very hard skill for a child- this is a great opportunity to strengthen that skill!
Moral of the story... Keep it simple for you child! Continue to find opportunities to teach them how to be a good person. This is a great time of the year to reflect on your parenting style and suit up for 2019. If you want support setting new parenting goals for 2019, then let's chat! Book in a FREE 30 minute call so we can get you equipped with tools to be the best parent you can be.
You've got this!
- Cori
p.s. I've got a super exciting announcement coming for 2019. I'll be announcing it first in Behave it or NOT! so make sure to keep your eyes open for it!