Should your child listen to you immediately?

This might be up for debate but I don't think your child should necessarily listen to you immediately when you ask them to do something.

Let's unpack this...

Your life experiences form your belief system.

Your belief system guides your thoughts and your thoughts trigger your actions.

That’s just how it goes.

Sorta crazy to think about how your own childhood experiences are guiding your daily parenting practices right now with your own child(ren).

So here’s the deal…. If you are constantly finding yourself in power struggle mode with your child it’s not because your child is bad or because you’re not a good parent.

It’s likely because you’re hanging onto the belief that when you ask your child to do something they should listen to you immediately!

There’s a whole generation of us that were parented this way. So that’s what we know!

Through your childhood experiences this became a part of your belief system. A belief that is now triggering power struggles in your home.

How realistic is this belief?

Your child is a tiny little egocentric human that has their own needs, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas that should be respected through your interactions with them (that's if you see them as their own person). This is especially true when you’re asking them to switch gears and move away from something enjoyable, motivating, and low effort.

When you approach your child like an object rather than a person, they feel that immediately and push back to regain a sense of control and connection.

PERSPECTIVE is the greatest trait any parent can have. This is what’s shifting parents from being the Power Struggler Parent to The Empowered Parent!

Beliefs can change, no need to keep getting stuck in this parenting trap.

You've got this!

Cori

p.s. If this resonates with you, click here and leave a comment to let me know so I can send you a really simple solution on how to get your child to listen to you when you need them to cooperate.

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ST🚫P the Whining!

Today's your day. I'm throwing you a bone. I'm giving you a few of my strategies on how to curb whining. In my opinion there's nothing more painful than listening to your child whine. 

The first time it happens.... ok fine.
The second time is happens..... I'm a bit annoyed but can deal
The third, fourth, & fifth time..... I'm about to lose my shit (and that's not good for no one) 🙅

Whining is one thing in my house that I don't tolerate. My threshold for it is extremely low. After a few times of hearing it, my body starts to tense, my jaw clenches and automatically my hair starts to frizz 😤 That's my fight or flight response to whining, ha!

Children use whining as a form of expression. It's an emotional outlet for them. It's a way for them to indirectly unload their feelings in a very annoying way (for lack of a better term).

There is some good new to this. Whining is a cue for us! It's a sign letting us know that our child needs our help to work through whatever feelings and emotions they are experiencing.

Some children whine when they're tired, some when they're hungry, and some when they're overstimulated. Some children whine when they feel challenged, defeated, and/or annoyed.

Now if you think your toddler or preschooler is going to very calmly and politely come up to you and say...
          "mom I"m feeling completely overstimulated because the tv is on, you and dad are talking loud, and my sister is running back and forth through the hallway with her toys, and I'm tired because I was at daycare all day today" ....then we need to chat.

It's more like... (read in whiny voice) "mummy, I can't hear the tv. mummyyyy, mummyyyy, ahhhhh, waaaa, muuuummy, I want to hear the tv, I can't hear the tv.

What you MUST know about whining, is the second you respond to your child by turning the tv up and lowering your voice at the same time, you have just reinforced the whining so you better believe it's going to happen again and again and again! Your child just struck gold! He got exactly what he wanted! 💥

We have to support our children in expressing their emotions. We have to support their emotional needs, and we have to teach them that whining is not an effective way of getting shit done.

Here's 3 ways to you can do that... It's time to say buh-bye to that whining noise!

1. Make your child aware
Children need to be made aware of their behaviour. Whenever my son or daughter whines I will immediately say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining". You have to give it a name, label it for them. Building awareness is the first part to curbing this behaviour. Labelling it once, won't do anything. You want to keep labelling the whining behaviour until you start to see some change happen.

2. Give your child an alternative action
Once you've started labelling the whining behaviour you need to give your child an alternative response to the whining. So if my child starts to whine, I will say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, you can use your big kid voice instead and ask nicely". Since this is an emotional response- we wouldn't want to send our child the message that they shouldn't express themselves so you can also say something like "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, if you're hungry please tell mummy you're tummy feels hungry and we'll get you a yummy snack". Modelling the appropriate response is really important here. Show them exactly what it's suppose to look like. They need that model.

3. Give another chance
Again, since the whining behaviour is a form of communication, we don't want to hinder it. We don't want our children to feel blamed or shamed for trying to express themselves. We want them to feel empowered to express their emotional needs. So when you're child starts to whine, you always want to give them another chance to practice the alternative behaviour you provided them with. Don't just shut them out and tell them to stop whining. That will just escalate things further and you'll end up in power struggle or melt down territory. I love the phrase "try again or do you want to try again". For example I'll say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, you can use your big kid voice instead and ask nicely, do you want to try again".

Try these out and stick to the script. After practicing these strategies consistently, you will see the whining behaviour start to decrease. We've used these strategies so much in my house that now all I have to say is "that's whining" and my kids redirect their response to a way more functional one! No more frizzy hair for me! (at least from the whining!)

I've got more strategies around this and any other behaviour that comes your way. If your feeling exhausted, stressed or defeated in any way then I want you to book in a FREE 30-minute strategy call with me. I've got solutions for you. Let's chat!

You've got this!
Cori

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"heads up"- get your child to listen to you.

I've been finding myself short fusing a bit lately and I'm not sure if it's because...

there are never EVER enough hours in a day to get shit done,

I'm not getting enough sleep,

I'm not carving out time for self-care,

or

ALL OF THE ABOVE!

(it's likely all of the above).

 Now the shittiest thing about this is that my kids know exactly how to push every possible button of mine to get me to my breaking point. I wouldn't say it's intentional, they just both need my undivided attention at the exact. same. time. (funny how that works eh?!)

With that said, I've had to sit down and make a list of my most easiest (to implement) strategies that will keep me from reacting to them in a way that I'll regret the second after.

What's been my most used strategy lately has been the "heads up" strategy. This is my 'go-to' when I need my kids to transition away from something that they really really enjoy (cue a really deep breath).

 Essentially when I know that a transition is coming up, I give my child a warning that what they are doing is ending soon and I let them know exactly what's coming up. For example; just last night my son way playing with his cars and I needed him to get in the shower. So I gave myself enough time to give him not 1, not 2, but 3 heads up that cars were ending and we would be having a shower. Third time's a charm! This is the rule here.

 I use this strategy....

   to get them in the shower,

    to get them dressed,

       to get them to the table to eat,

           to get those shoes on in the morning,

                                              and the list goes on......

This strategy is only effective if you give yourself enough time to give them the "heads up" that a transition is coming. So it requires a little planning on your part.

I feel such a huge relief when my children transition without putting up a fight. Best feeling!!!!! Total #momwin. It never gets old here.

Since we are dealing with little people here who have very little attention spans, keep in mind that a heads up warning is not effective after saying it once. Third time's a charm! I promise! I sometimes have them repeat it back to me each time just to make sure they are actively listening and not just hearing my noise.

Whether you are feeling exhausted, frustrated, or defeated- there's no reason you can't implement this strategy to help make things a bit easier for yourself. I want you to try this strategy out as soon as possible and let me know how it goes

You've got this!

-Cori

p.s. If you've already tried this strategy and have gotten push back from your child then we need to chat. There's a reason for that and I'll tell you why. Book in a free 30-minute call here.

p.p.s. If you haven't tried this out yet then go for it! I've got a full playbook of strategies and I'm happy to share them with you. I'm here to give you solutions so you can enjoy your time with your child and not have to feel anxious, stressed, or defeated. Book in a FREE 30 minute call so I can tell you how to gain access to my playbook!

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Let's talk MORNING ROUTINE!

So if you are the "wake up before your child" type of person and you get your day started without any interruptions- then you should know I’m envious of you! The odd time I’m up before my children, I always have the exact same dialogue in my head... 

"It’s so nice and quiet, I feel so relaxed, what a great way to start the day!"

The other 363 days of the year this is how it goes….

A typical morning usually consists of….
My children waking up and finding their way into my bed
The tv goes on and we have the most delicious snuggles (never want those to end). 
After 15 minutes of watching tv and snuggling the race is on! 
And in no particular order...
Get dressed! 
Eat breakfast!
Get dressed again because clothing got dirty from breakfast
Brush teeth!
Shoes on! Jackets on!
Occupy the kids while you do all of the above
Oh ya… then one kids starts screaming because the other kid isn’t sharing toys
Then my daughter gives up and decides to change her clothes again because why not!?!? (does this stage ever end?!?!?)
The phone is dinging as those work emails start coming in on both mine and my husbands phones… 
Then both my kids try to leave the house with toys in each hand to take to school (you know because there aren’t enough toys there already) and then comes the negotiation to get them to leave the toys at home…. cue the crying…. 
We finally take 1 step out the door and I realize I’ve left my phone inside- run back in and search everywhere for it.

WTF?!?!

Does this sounds familiar to you??

I recently did a poll in Behave it or NOT! and it looks like I’m with most you, which was a huge relief on my end so thank you for that!!!. 

I’m certainly not an early to rise person, nor is my family. My children have become our alarm clock, and to be honest I’m totally ok with it. So what does this mean for us? …..our mornings are very face paced as we race the clock to get out of the house. Over the years I’ve had to figure out how to keep our house moving in forward motion --> to get out the door on time with minimal bumps along the way. 

Efficiency is always my #1 goal. 

I always get asked "how do you do it?"

Well here you go...Here are some of the strategies I’ve used to help us be successful with our morning routine.

1. I always make a mental list (for those who know me, I love lists!!!) in my head of things I can do the night before to make the morning smoother. For example; pack bags for school, dance, baseball and throw it in the car- can’t forget it the next day if it’s already in the car! BOOM!
2. Those first 15 minutes of snuggle time in the morning are a MUST- this is our opportunity to get emotionally connected with our children before the day gets started. All kids need a good dose of attention to fuel their day. Give it to them before your day starts so they don’t try to seek it out in a non-functional way while you are trying to rush out the door
3. Minimize the number of transitions you require your child to get through from wake up to getting out the door. The way I’ve set up our morning routine is based on location in the house where tasks need to get done. So.. we start in our bedrooms (getting dressed, making bed) and then move our way to the kitchen (breakfast, wash up) which is close to the front door, and then front door for shoes & jackets and out the door! There’s very little back and forth required for transitions.
4. If my child tries to swerve from the routine because she wants to "play with her toys"- I turn to the "when-then" routine. It would sounds something like this.. "When you get dressed and make your bed, then you can play with your toys for 10 minutes (timer is set for her)"
5. Model a solid routine for your kids. If you are like me and aren’t one to get up before your kids, then go through the morning routine with them. You get dressed while they get dressed- getting dressed together is a great opportunity to connect and be in it together- kids love this!
6. For children 3+ years old you can provide them with a checklist of tasks for them to follow in the morning. If they can’t read yet, use pictures. Kids love to be in control! What an easy way to give them a sense of empowerment to start their day! The only thing to remember here is this needs to be taught- go through the motions with your child a few times until you feel confident they can do it on their own.

In an ideal world, I would get up at least 30 minutes earlier than my kids to get myself dressed and ready for the day- This is on my "to-do" list. 

-Cori

p.s. I love hand delivering strategies directly into your inbox. Sign up here for instant delivery! 

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No punishment here.

Is punishment effective? Is it necessary? Does it actually teach right from wrong? I'm not entirely sure about that but what I do know is that punishment creates a very uncomfortable physiological response in the child's body. With punishment comes blame, pain, and (or) shame, all which trigger the fight or flight response in children. This fight or flight response puts children in defence mode. Punishment also creates a spike in cortisol (a.k.a. the stress hormone) in the body. So are children actually learning what they did wrong or are they learning to avoid the physiological response they experienced from punishment? I would say the latter. Who the heck wants to feel shame? Who wants to experience physical or emotional pain? Not I, not you, not your child. There's a big difference between punishment and effective consequences. Punishment is a type of consequence but is very harsh, mean, condescending, and harmful. If used effectively, consequences can be more respectful, should be directly related to the behaviour, and have to be reasonable based on your child's age and stage of development. Punishment is flawed. Here's 5 reasons why...

1. Punishment encourages children to lie. Once children experience the blame, shame, and pain from punishment they will what they can to avoid it from happening again.
2. Punishment fosters resentment and anger. This is especially true for children who do not get enough 1:1 time with their parents. As well for children who don't get enough opportunities throughout their day to feel empowered.
3. Punishment doesn't allow for teaching to happen. Children go into self-defence mode when punished. This closes off any opportunity to teach them right from wrong in the moment.
4. Punishment weakens trust in the parent-child relationship. Trust is built on the foundations of love, support, encouragement, and safety. Punishment works against all of these.
5. Punishment can encourage revenge behaviours. This is especially true for children who do not get enough opportunity to feel empowered throughout the day.

Parents often "punish" their child because in the moment they have a hard time regulating their own emotions. If you feel like you are getting heightened, take a deep breath or just walk away. Remember, every waking moment is a teachable moment. Take hold of each teaching opportunity to teach your children to be the best they can be. You got this!

- Cori

Avoiding Discouragement

When we talk about children's behaviour we know that it is goal oriented. We know all behaviours happen for a reason. There's no such thing as "it happened for no reason" or "it came out of nowhere". Our responses to our child's behaviour will always do one of two things. It will either strengthen the behaviour or weaken the behaviour. If we reinforce the behaviour we will see that behaviour over and over again. If we don't reinforce the behaviour we are likely to see less and less of that behaviour. Starting in the toddler phase of development, we start to experience the ever so famous "power struggle". These power struggles are inevitable, they are exhausting, and they take a toll on our day to day routines. The struggle is REAL! As a preface to all of this, we have to understand that our own behaviour has a direct consequence on our child's behaviour. Often without even realizing it, us parents do things that discourage our child, which often leads to triggering the power struggle. Misbehaved children are often discouraged children and discouraged children love the power struggle the MOST. So... this is good new for us. Wonder why? We have the ability to monitor our own behaviour to make sure we aren't inadvertently discouraging our children in this time of growth and development. You should NEVER mock, criticize, humiliate or use sarcasm with your child. These are very obvious ways that can lead to a discouraged child. We also might do things that are a little less obvious that can cause discouragement. Here are 6 powerful ways to avoid fostering a discouraged child; Try it out! Let me know how it goes! You got this!

1. DO NOT talk about them in front of them when it comes to misbehaviour or anything negative. This just gives a reaction and attention to the negative stuff. Broadcasting this information sends them the message that their behaviour is something worth talking about. Kids love attention (positive or negative)!

2. DO NOT do things for them when they can do on their own. This sends the message that we think they are incapable and have a lack of faith in their skills. This really pisses them off!

3. DO NOT expect perfection. Manage your own expectations- Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent. The more a child practices a skill the deeper in goes into their memory. Don't expect adult like behaviour from them. They are kids!!!

4. DO NOT label your child. Do don't refer to them as the "shy one", the "crazy one", the "artistic one", the "loud one". This puts them under a lens and can be very embarrassing.

5. DO NOT compare your child to another child. Not to another one of your own children or another child in the community. This again comes from a place of judgement and can really hurt a child's self-esteem. Child who feel judged will often rebel and push back harder when it comes to the power struggle.

6. DO NOT overprotect your child. This sends them the message that they can't do things on their own. That they can't think for themselves or act for themselves. This very easily invites the power struggle. Let them have an opinion, make choices, and explore cause and effect variables in the environment (within reason).

Join me in my Facebook group Behave it or NOT! for a lot more practical strategies on managing child behaviour!

- Cori

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A Meaningful Mess

I always love the feeling when I walk into my kids' playroom and it's spotless. Toys are put away in bins and drawers, random toy pieces have found their match, I can actually see the floor!! It's the best. BUT... what I love more is walking into the playroom and witnessing the process of that mess being made. This process is called playing and playing is learning. Kids have method to their madness, just like we do to ours. It's a brilliant process that deserves attention and a ton of nurturing. I use this space to help my kids expand their imagination, develop their creativity, and foster their social communication skills. In order for all of this to happen, it's my job to make sure this sacred environment is set up for success. It's my job to be proactive and provide them with structure so they can make the best mess possible. It's my job to make sure their mess is meaningful to them. Here are my top 5 strategies for setting up a successful play space.

1.  FIND A HOME. Make sure every toy, book, costume, crayon, stuffed animal has a home. Every item in the play space should have a designated spot where it goes when not in use. This builds predictability for kids so they know where to find things when they need them and it also gives them a concrete spot to put things away when it comes time to tidy up. I label all the toy bins and drawers in our playroom so both adults and kids know exactly where everything belongs.

2. GET HIGH! Put things out of reach. Use the height of your space. I like to use shelving that is out of my kids' reach so I have a spot to put toys that require adult supervision. For example, board games with little tiny pieces that I don't want going missing or ending up in my son's mouth. The kid eats EVERYTHING!

3. BAG IT. Ziploc bags are my best friend! I've recently become a little more environmentally friendly and starting using mesh zip up bags from the good old dollar store. Bags that zip are amazing for toys with multiple pieces, such as puzzles. I hate when pieces go missing or end up in the bottom of a toy bin in another room of the house. 

4. LESS IS MORE. If we are looking at developing those imaginative minds then give kids the opportunity to get creative with their toys and use them in different ways. If you have an abundance of toys, you can rotate them monthly and put some away in storage. It's amazing how a kid reacts when you stash a toy away for a bit then pull it out a month or two later. It's like gold. I also tend to do this around birthdays and holidays when they receive an overload of gifts. I put a bunch of them away and pull them out systematically when I feel they are ready for something new. 

5. DEPOSITS. Deposit bins are key to maintaining an organized space. There are often times when toys make their way out of the playroom and into tiny spaces and crevices around the house. To help manage that mess, I've put "miscellaneous toy bins" in common spaces around the house so we can deposit the toys in them until I have time to put them away in their proper places in the playroom. This helps me get toys off the floor at the end of a long day without having to expend whatever brain power I have left. 

Here's a glimpse into my kids' playroom. Some people ask why bother even cleaning it up if they are just going to jump in and make a mess again. We always have to reset the environment to provide a new canvas for them to create and learn from.

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The Kindergarten --> Grade 1 Transition

In about 5 weeks time, thousands of kids around the city are going to be making the transition from Kindergarten to Grade 1. WHOA! This is a BIG deal! The days of roaming the classroom like a free bird are over. Up there with graduating from High School, this is one of the biggest jumps in a child's academic career. Things are about to get more formal, more structured, and a lot more demanding. For some learners, this transition will be seamless. For others, it might cause a lot of fluttery butterflies in the tummy. Each learner will handle the transition on their own terms. For those extra-special learners, this transition might be extremely challenging because of all the change that is going to take place. We all know what the first-day-of-school jitters feels like.  Been there! Done that! Now magnify that x10 for a child who doesn't fare well with the unknown and needs the predictability to maintain a state of calmness.

What does one do to avoid total transition catastrophe?? How do you settle those butterflies in the tummy for all those extra special learners?? There are various factors to consider when preparing for this transition. As you gear up for the first few weeks of school consider the following 5 factors when you are in prep mode. These factors are not exclusive to the SK--> Grade 1 Transition. They can be considered by any teacher who has students who struggle with transitions.

Best of luck preparing for a seemless transition!

- Cori 

New Environment

Welcome to your Grade 1 classroom! For the most part the Grade 1 classroom is in a different room than Kindergarten was, perhaps a different hallways and even more so a different level/floor of the school. Things can look different in Grade 1. The room is set up differently, the cubbies are in different places, and there's no washroom in the classroom anymore. Boo! If you know you have an extra special learner in your classroom, consider taking pictures of the classroom for the student so the student has access to them at home. Providing a visual of the classroom will help reduce anxiety around entering the new learning environment because you will be exposing them to the classroom before they even step in it. increasing the predictability is the name of the game!

New Routines

Sample visual schedule- good for new routines and transitions

New classroom! New teacher! New routines! This includes but is not limited to; an entrance routine in the morning, an exit routine for recess and home-time, a lunch-time routine, a snack-time routine and a washroom routine (to name a few). These are all things that are taught in the first few weeks of school. This can be information overload for some learners, which can lead to some negative behaviours. Consider creating visual schedules that breaks down each routine into it's component steps. This will give the student the opportunity to learn the routines step-by-step and have something to refer to if they get stuck or confused along the way. Visual schedules are great for keeping students on track when doing a multistep task.

New Transitions

Sample visual timer

With a new classroom comes a new set of rules, guidelines and transitions. Going to back to unpredictable situations- transitions can cause those butterflies to flutter because sometimes there is an unknown at the end of the transition. This can include transitions from recess back to class, activity to activity, classroom to gymnasium, and the list goes on. Students are transitioning all day, every day between different activities, rooms, and people. To help make the daily transitions concrete for your learners, use countdowns so they know when the transitions are coming and use visual schedules so they know what they are transitioning to. Some students will benefit from a visual timer so they exactly how much time they have left with a certain activity.

Change in Structure

The learning environment is about to get a lot more structured and formal. Kindergarten supports a very play based learning environment. Kids are familiar with bins of toys to explore, an open space on the carpet used as a canvas for exploration, and learning centres set up for them to roam to and from. Grade 1 comes along and we are all of sudden sitting at desks for extended periods of time, doing a lot more paper and pencil work, and a lot less moving around the classroom. For some learners this change might feel like going from 0-10 in 30 seconds (especially when coming back to school from summer vacation). This can be a recipe for disaster. When in prep mode, you should be asking yourself how you can incorporate some K-structure into your class at the beginning of the year and slowly up the ante as time goes on. Can you incorporate a fun and cozy book nook for free reading time? Still use activity centres for certain subjects? Allow room for exploration with learning manipulatives?

Developmental Trajectory

At this point we know all kids grow and learn at their own pace. We also know that typically developing kids usually follow a similar trajectory with their growth and development. The same is not true for kids with exceptionalities. Whether they are gifted, have a learning disability, or a developmental disability, they will all present differently. This means you have to play detective from to the get go and figure out where each of your students are in their development. Once you have this under your belt-you will be able to better develop your curriculum and programs to ensure success! A lot of natural maturation takes place over the summer, so just because you know a student from the previous year, doesn't mean they are going to be starting off where they left off. Lastly, there are always those kids that go through physical growth spurts over the summer- be sure to take into consideration that outer and inner development might not happen simultaneously. Kids might come into class the first week of school looking a lot older, however still be very early in their emotional and cognitive development.

Tantrum 101

ok... so who here has been in a situation where your child or student has a full blown tantrum? to the point of no return? I have! Or the classic episode when you tell a child not to do something and they insist on doing it regardless of how many times you say NO? Which at that point you think to yourself... "Why in the world do they keep doing this if I'm telling them not to?!?!" What isn't registering???  Why doesn't NO mean NO?!?! AHHHHH!!! My favourite case of this is when my 2 year old Godson (who is now Mr. Independent) decides he no longer wants to be pushed in his stroller and wants to walk on the street curb. Dad says to him- "if you are going to walk on the curb you need to hold my hand"- well Mr. Independent translates this to "now that I'm not strapped down in my stroller I'm going to run up and down people's lawn as fast as I can while laughing my face off". Well of course, Dad gets nervous because his son's safety is at risk and has to keep repeating himself over and over to reinforce hand holding- Mr. Independent's reaction to Dad's words is; a faster run, a louder laugh, and the every 3-second glance at Dad to make sure he sees what he is doing. So how do you think this one ends? That's right.... Dad tells Mr. Independent he has to go back into his stroller- at which point we have now entered Tantrum Territory- and the. rest. is. history.

It's always a better day when you don't have to step into Tantrum Territory. Agreed?  If you are willing to think before you act you can make it happen. Hear me out.... Every negative or unwanted behaviour has a function to it (that's a fact! Science says so)- if you can figure out what the function of the behaviour is, you have a good chance at not only understanding what's going on but being able to avoid it from happening again. You might also feel more confident in dealing with a tantrum on the spot so it doesn't escalate to the point of no return. There's nothing worse than standing in line at the grocery store while your child is having a full melt down. Same hold true for when you try to get a student to transition from recess into class and they throw it down in the hallway. Ugh!

Here's some info to help you stay far away from Tantrum Territory. Here it goes... there are 4 functions that dictate all behaviours (positive and negative). These 4 functions of behaviour apply to me, you, your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour.

I hope this helps to get you thinking before (re)acting! Good luck! 

-Cori

Attention

This is a very common function with children. They often engage in undesirable behaviour to gain someone's attention. It's important to understand that attention doesn't necessarily have to be positive attention (ie; "good job!" or "nice try"). Children love reactions, they love to be recognized-especially when they are still in the egocentric phase of their development. If you can pick up on certain cues that hint they are doing things for attention, then make sure you aren't giving them the reaction they are looking for (this doesn't necessarily mean ignore them). Mr Independent has mastered this one across the board! He kept running those freshly trimmed lawns while looking back at Dad every 3 seconds, which was followed by Dad's reaction, which eventually led to a tantrum. Dad could have avoided the tantrum had he not given Mr. Independent that reaction he was craving.

Escape/Avoidance

This is another common function of negative or unwanted behaviour. Kids will often do things to avoid or escape an undesirable situation. Mamas and Papas- you know your children best, so this is one of the easier functions to cue in to. Children will often try to escape or avoid a situation for various reasons. Here are a few;

• they've had a previous experience that was negative for them that is associated with the present context
• they are in a situation that involves skills that are too challenging for them. Kids like to feel successful.
• transitioning away from something very positive (like playing at the park) to something neutral or not-so positive (like going home for a bath), might cause a tantrum or a run in the opposite direction (I mean who actually likes leaving the park).
• if they are in a situation that is unpredictable, they might 'have a tantrum to avoid or escape the unpredictability. Unpredictable situations can cause some anxiety (every child has a their own coping mechanism- this might be one of them).

If you are under the impression you are in an escape/avoidance situation, you have to stand FIRM, follow through, and not allow your child escape or avoid the situation. If you grant them immunity, you weaken your control for the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Kids are sponges- they learn what works and what doesn't work very quickly. Beware.

Access To Something Tangible

Kids like immediacy. It takes them time to learn how to wait for things. This is especially true for children who need a little more support with their self regulation and self control. If they ask for something, they want it NOW! If they don't get it quick enough- KABOOM! As well, depending where kids are on their developmental path- they might not yet have the cognition to understand something is not available to them at this point in time. "Sharing is caring"- right? Well try to explain that to an extremely active 3 year old. Goodluck! If your kid or student drops their gloves, kicks off the shoes, and screams at the top of their lungs-you probably shouldn't give them access to that special something. It might be a bandaid fix in the moment, it might calm them down in the moment- but guess what you just taught them?!? Screaming + kicking shoes off = access to what I want. Not so functional.

Sensory Stimulation

This is the least common function of Tantrum behaviour, but does exist, so you should be aware of it. We all live our lives by what feels good, looks good, tastes good, sounds good and smells good. The same holds true for your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour. Kids might do weird, awkward, undesirable things because it appeals to their senses. Each of us have certain senses that are more heightened than others- I can smell certain things a mile away (some smells, not to-be-mentioned, even further than a mile). Little kids love to move- My little Mr. Independent is a very active kid who loves to be in motion. The kid probably burns more calories per minute than an Olympic athlete. Not surprisingly, he has mastered the art of jumping off the couch on to the floor to land on his cute little tush. Not so safe, right?? But so much fun because of what his senses experience as he is pulled down by gravity. No Tantrum involved here but if this couch surfing behaviour also has an attention function- it could lead into Tantrum Territory. The best way to manage these sensory seeking behaviours is try to be proactive and provide you child or student with functional and safe ways to get the sensory fix. If you know they like to put every little thing in their mouth because the pressure feels good on their teething gums- then that's when you bust out the over-priced Parisian giraffe to save the day. Love all things Sophie!

**one last important point that is a MUST to understand- the function of Tantrum behaviour is NOT always the same. The function will change depending on the context of the situation. A tantrum on Monday might be controlled by attention, while a Tantrum on Thursday might be controlled by escape/avoidance. There is where you have to be a bit of a detective and figure out what's going on.** Best of luck with it!

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We know your child is perfect in every way- despite that, I would love to hear from you. Please share what you are currently experiencing with your child (or student). I'm happy to connect at any time. Be in touch!