I’ve had a bunch of requests come in recently from parents asking for strategies on how to encourage their child to do things by themselves so the mama/papa bear can actually get housework or work work done at home.
...Or just be able to go to the washroom with the door closed in peace and quiet. This is a luxury nowadays.
This is definitely a skill that children need to be taught. We aren’t born with this inherent ability to be on our own. We are hardwired for connection and the need to feel a sense of belonging.
Good news… with a little encouragement, and repeated opportunities to practice, you can definitely build this skill so you have some wiggle room at home.
Here are 5 strategies to encourage your child to do things on their own;
1. Fill The Attention Bucket- You always want to make sure your child is getting their 1:1 or family time in before you know you’re shifting the expectation for them to play or get tasks done on their own. It’s all about satiation and deprivation here. You want to make sure your child feels fulfilled in the emotional connection department before you send them off to be alone. This is a fundamental need we are all hardwired for so let’s always make sure the fundamentals are taking care of first. Spending 1:1 time or family time together should be focused on something enjoyable, that your child(ren) chooses, with little to no demands placed on them. For some families this is reading books, playing a game, cuddling in bed, looking at photos together and talking about memories, or even heading outside for a walk.
2. Set Up The Playspace Like a Clock- I used to use this strategy back in days when I was doing 1:1 behaviour therapy with kids. It works like a charm. Choose 4 activities that you know your child can 100% do. This can be simple crafts, cause and effect toys, building blocks, flipping through pages of books, puzzles etc. You are going to choose a play space in your home and put each of the 4 activities out in a circle at the same time. One will be in the 12:00 position, the other in the 3:00 position, 6:00 position, and 9:00 position. You are going to show your child the order in which they are going to play with the toys. You might have to do this a few times with them so they get the hang of it and understand the expectation (I would actually recommend this). You can space the activities out as close or far together as you like. Giving your child a structure for organizing their play is quite beneficial when they know exactly what to focus on. It’s less overwhelming for them. Always make sure to provide a lot of praise for following the plan!! You can take this strategy one step further and get them to choose the 4 activities they want to do if you find they’re often empowered by having choice.
3. Increase Expectations Over Time- Whether you are using the clock set up above or using your own structure, start off with small increments that they’re expected to play by themselves, slowly increase the expectation as the skill level increases. To do this, you can set a timer for them- there’s lots of great visual timers online or use a song/playlist to help them define the beginning or end of the play period. Start small so they can feel the success!!!!
4. Use a Visual Schedule- When you are setting them up to do things on their own, use a visual schedule so they have something to follow. You can create this on scrap paper, it doesn’t need to be anything high tech. If your child isn’t reading yet then draw simple pictures for them. Start off with 2-3 items on the list and increase the number over time as the skill increases. Tell them that you have a special job for them- they have to take their special treasure hunt list and complete each item on the list and then come show you it’s all done! Again, lots of praise for when your child follows along. Here’s an example;
5. Reserve Screen Time- save this for when you absolutely need it most and have exhausted all other avenues. Or...you can also reserve screen time to use in parts of your day that gives you a few minutes to set your child up with the strategies above.
If you want more strategies that are focused and specific to your child then book in a FREE 30 minute call so we can discuss options for support.
You’ve got this!
Cori
p.s. If you are a 2016 parent then make sure to grab your ticket to Transitioning Into Kindergarten event. It's taking place May 3-6, ONLINE. Limited spots available!!!
