Today I'm sharing a little something that totally drives me NUTS! There are two very small words in my children's language repertoire, that when put together, make me cray cray. Regardless of the situation, I always have this counterintuitive reaction to hearing them say "I can't". 

My maternal instinct always has me wanting to jump out of my seat to help them with whatever they "can't" do on their own, but then a split second later I'm like... "you know what... they need to figure this one out".

Now, the worst part of all this is it usually comes out in some kind of obnoxious whining tone. If you've been following along for a bit now, then you know whining is a non-negotiable in my house. I've also made it very clear to my kids that the phrase "I can't" falls at the top of my non-negotiable list.

Problem solving is a very important life skill our child need to learn in order to thrive and succeed. You shouldn't be waiting for them to start school to start learning this skill. This is something they start learning as soon as they start moving around and exploring their environment. 

It's our job to provide them with lots of opportunity to develop their problem solving skills and it's also our job to model exactly how to work through situations that require a bit of problem solving. This will look very differently for a child that is 2 years old vs. a child that is 6 years old but at the end of the day they both require you to give them a chance to figure it out and then model appropriate problem solving if they get stuck.

Here's an example that just sprung yesterday with my son when he was colouring and couldn't get the cap on the marker;

me: "ok, it's time to clean up- put the markers away"

child: "mummy I can't do it" (as he tries to close a marker)

me: "you're a big boy, you can absolutely do it! try again, if you get stuck ask for help- remember we don't say I can't"

child: "mummy I need help" (as he is carelessly jamming the cap on the marker and it just won't catch, ugh!)

me: I state the problem out loud and talk through the solution (ie; "oh no I can't get the cap on the marker, what can I do. I'm going to try to hold the marker in the middle and very slowly put the cap on and wiggle it until it clicks") then I say to my son "here you go now it's your turn"

child: he tries it out and successfully closes the marker- and looks up at me with a grin 😉

I truly believe that if a child says the words "I can't" enough times they will start believing it. It's important to be cognizant of the message we are sending our kids if we are constantly jumping up to do things for them as a response to "I can't". Teaching them the skills to problem solve is one thing but empowering them by telling them "they can" is worth more than most things in life. I promise you that one.

I challenge you to pay attention to your reactions and hold back just a bit to give your child a chance to figure things out. and if they can't. coach them along the way until they can!

If you feel you need some coaching to help you take on this approach, then let's chat. Book in a FREE 30 minute call so we get an action plan started for you.

You've got this!

Cori

p.s. If you have a 2015 baby and are feeling a bit anxious about Kindergarten in the fall then check out my upcoming event on April 28th! called Transitioning into Kindergarten.