ok... so who here has been in a situation where your child or student has a full blown tantrum? to the point of no return? I have! Or the classic episode when you tell a child not to do something and they insist on doing it regardless of how many times you say NO? Which at that point you think to yourself... "Why in the world do they keep doing this if I'm telling them not to?!?!" What isn't registering???  Why doesn't NO mean NO?!?! AHHHHH!!! My favourite case of this is when my 2 year old Godson (who is now Mr. Independent) decides he no longer wants to be pushed in his stroller and wants to walk on the street curb. Dad says to him- "if you are going to walk on the curb you need to hold my hand"- well Mr. Independent translates this to "now that I'm not strapped down in my stroller I'm going to run up and down people's lawn as fast as I can while laughing my face off". Well of course, Dad gets nervous because his son's safety is at risk and has to keep repeating himself over and over to reinforce hand holding- Mr. Independent's reaction to Dad's words is; a faster run, a louder laugh, and the every 3-second glance at Dad to make sure he sees what he is doing. So how do you think this one ends? That's right.... Dad tells Mr. Independent he has to go back into his stroller- at which point we have now entered Tantrum Territory- and the. rest. is. history.

It's always a better day when you don't have to step into Tantrum Territory. Agreed?  If you are willing to think before you act you can make it happen. Hear me out.... Every negative or unwanted behaviour has a function to it (that's a fact! Science says so)- if you can figure out what the function of the behaviour is, you have a good chance at not only understanding what's going on but being able to avoid it from happening again. You might also feel more confident in dealing with a tantrum on the spot so it doesn't escalate to the point of no return. There's nothing worse than standing in line at the grocery store while your child is having a full melt down. Same hold true for when you try to get a student to transition from recess into class and they throw it down in the hallway. Ugh!

Here's some info to help you stay far away from Tantrum Territory. Here it goes... there are 4 functions that dictate all behaviours (positive and negative). These 4 functions of behaviour apply to me, you, your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour.

I hope this helps to get you thinking before (re)acting! Good luck! 

-Cori

Attention

This is a very common function with children. They often engage in undesirable behaviour to gain someone's attention. It's important to understand that attention doesn't necessarily have to be positive attention (ie; "good job!" or "nice try"). Children love reactions, they love to be recognized-especially when they are still in the egocentric phase of their development. If you can pick up on certain cues that hint they are doing things for attention, then make sure you aren't giving them the reaction they are looking for (this doesn't necessarily mean ignore them). Mr Independent has mastered this one across the board! He kept running those freshly trimmed lawns while looking back at Dad every 3 seconds, which was followed by Dad's reaction, which eventually led to a tantrum. Dad could have avoided the tantrum had he not given Mr. Independent that reaction he was craving.

Escape/Avoidance

This is another common function of negative or unwanted behaviour. Kids will often do things to avoid or escape an undesirable situation. Mamas and Papas- you know your children best, so this is one of the easier functions to cue in to. Children will often try to escape or avoid a situation for various reasons. Here are a few;

• they've had a previous experience that was negative for them that is associated with the present context
• they are in a situation that involves skills that are too challenging for them. Kids like to feel successful.
• transitioning away from something very positive (like playing at the park) to something neutral or not-so positive (like going home for a bath), might cause a tantrum or a run in the opposite direction (I mean who actually likes leaving the park).
• if they are in a situation that is unpredictable, they might 'have a tantrum to avoid or escape the unpredictability. Unpredictable situations can cause some anxiety (every child has a their own coping mechanism- this might be one of them).

If you are under the impression you are in an escape/avoidance situation, you have to stand FIRM, follow through, and not allow your child escape or avoid the situation. If you grant them immunity, you weaken your control for the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Kids are sponges- they learn what works and what doesn't work very quickly. Beware.

Access To Something Tangible

Kids like immediacy. It takes them time to learn how to wait for things. This is especially true for children who need a little more support with their self regulation and self control. If they ask for something, they want it NOW! If they don't get it quick enough- KABOOM! As well, depending where kids are on their developmental path- they might not yet have the cognition to understand something is not available to them at this point in time. "Sharing is caring"- right? Well try to explain that to an extremely active 3 year old. Goodluck! If your kid or student drops their gloves, kicks off the shoes, and screams at the top of their lungs-you probably shouldn't give them access to that special something. It might be a bandaid fix in the moment, it might calm them down in the moment- but guess what you just taught them?!? Screaming + kicking shoes off = access to what I want. Not so functional.

Sensory Stimulation

This is the least common function of Tantrum behaviour, but does exist, so you should be aware of it. We all live our lives by what feels good, looks good, tastes good, sounds good and smells good. The same holds true for your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour. Kids might do weird, awkward, undesirable things because it appeals to their senses. Each of us have certain senses that are more heightened than others- I can smell certain things a mile away (some smells, not to-be-mentioned, even further than a mile). Little kids love to move- My little Mr. Independent is a very active kid who loves to be in motion. The kid probably burns more calories per minute than an Olympic athlete. Not surprisingly, he has mastered the art of jumping off the couch on to the floor to land on his cute little tush. Not so safe, right?? But so much fun because of what his senses experience as he is pulled down by gravity. No Tantrum involved here but if this couch surfing behaviour also has an attention function- it could lead into Tantrum Territory. The best way to manage these sensory seeking behaviours is try to be proactive and provide you child or student with functional and safe ways to get the sensory fix. If you know they like to put every little thing in their mouth because the pressure feels good on their teething gums- then that's when you bust out the over-priced Parisian giraffe to save the day. Love all things Sophie!

**one last important point that is a MUST to understand- the function of Tantrum behaviour is NOT always the same. The function will change depending on the context of the situation. A tantrum on Monday might be controlled by attention, while a Tantrum on Thursday might be controlled by escape/avoidance. There is where you have to be a bit of a detective and figure out what's going on.** Best of luck with it!

We know your child is perfect in every way- despite that, I would love to hear from you. Please share what you are currently experiencing with your child (or student). I'm happy to connect at any time. Be in touch!